I feel alone.

Something I wrote in October 2007 after moving back to England from Michigan (after living there for 9.5 years).


I feel alone

I feel alone
Like a stranger in a strange land
Sounds really weird
Seeing as it is ‘my home land’
I feel foreign
Like people are staring at me
Not sure if I look different
But certainly not free

My heart is somewhere else
While my body is here
Soul and head at conflict
Filling me with fear
Feeling like the outsider
Screaming but no-one is listening
Who am I now?
Not sure, hope I can find out.

Feeling lost and confused
Why should I feel this way?
I’m a woman, mother and wife
Yet feeling such a stray.
This decision was not mine
Yet I have to bear the consequence
Uprooted, moved and taken from all I know
To pastures new, strange and unfamiliar

I want to feel like I belong, again
Not like a stranger, alien or misfit
I’ve had this feeling in my life before
Like I’m being shoved into grit
It hurts my soul, my heart and head
Not feeling myself
Wanting to hide in bed

I will carry on, for my loved ones
But my heart, it is broken, along with my spirit
I just want to feel whole
Like that puzzle piece that fits
Just want to be me
As if I found all the bits

Tugged pulled and shoved
My heart is yearning for peace
A place I feel is ‘home’
So this emptiness will cease.